When you have brought up kids, there are memories you store directly in your tear ducts.  ~Robert Brault

Like an Endless Episode of Kids Say the Darnedest Things...

Zephina: Mommy, did you know that the place where all the headstones are is a graveyard?

Me: Yes. It's also called a cemetery.

Zoe: ZOMBIES come from cemeteries. Great, now you got  zombies  in my head and I'm going to have to dream them out!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Zoe (while wielding a plastic butter knife) Sissy! Come here!! I want to cut you up into a chicken!!!

Hide and Go Seek

Somedays, you just have to hide.

Or at least attempt to.

Happy Valentine's Day from the Zs!!

What's In a Name?

I have a friend from high school who once forgot her own name.

Yes. Seriously.

During a marching band rehearsal, the choreographer asked her her name, and she said "Shaquetta". He looked at her and say "No, your real name."

She gave him a blank stare, and had to think for a minute to remember her real name.

I'm afraid my children will be in a similar situation at some point.

I almost never call my children by their real names. With Zoe, her nickname is derived from her name. We've always referred to her as Zo-Zo, and that morphed into Bo-Bo. Not too random of a thought process. At least, not for ME.

Zephy on the other hand. Oh poor Zephy. Not only do people rarely spell her name correctly (Her medical records have been for Zehina T. Longlastname, and are now for some kid named Zepina T. Longlastname) but I rarely call her anything other than Bean.


Maybe I'll get their real names tattooed on their arms. It'll make sure they'll have a permanent cheat sheet to that terribly difficult question of "What's your name?"

Daddy Wears Pink Panties

I must show you the main reasons why, in 6 years, I have never ever included a photo in a Christmas card...


Exhibit A:

Reason 8,954,231:

Don't tell Zephina, but I don't blame her for not wanted to be in a picture with whatever THAT thing is...

It's Like, Blackmail Worthy

So last night, I'm sitting at my computer chatting with Holly, when all of the sudden she says, "I have big belly Sara pictures!"

I must say, for a moment, I did not believe her. I was pretty sure there was not a single photo of my pregnant belly in the entire world. And I liked that thought. I am NOT photogenic in the least bit, and in every picture taken of me, no matter how much I weigh, I have 12 chins. I'm pretty sure everyone on my mom's side of the family has the same issue. Even though we don't have them in real life, in pictures they are front and center.

After the initial shock of my little picture-less utopia being crushed wore off, I figured it couldn't be THAT bad. That, my friends, is a lie. I know I'm VERY critical of myself, but that's just how I am. I see the flaws no matter what. However, Miss Zoe DID just turn five two weeks ago, so it was fun for these pictures to surface when they did. So, in honor of today being the day Zoe was SUPPOSED to be born, I will share one of the photos with you.

Also? I have to share because none of my friends or family in Indiana ever saw me this pregnant. With either kid.

November 30, 2005
The day before Zoe made her debut. I was totally in labor when this was taken. 

Consider yourselves lucky this isn't the one where my belly button looks like a giant third nipple in the middle of my belly. THAT is pretty gross.  Also? Totally looks like I just shoved a basket ball in my shirt.

Daily Convo: 5 year old Edition

The following is an exact transcript of the conversation that just occurred between myself and Zoe.

(I handed her a pajama shirt so that she could finish getting ready for bed...)

Zoe: But Mommy! I wore this shirt when I was FOUR!!

Me: Um, okay? Put it on!

Zoe: It's a shirt I wore when I was FOUR!

Me: Hush! Just put it on, it fits you!

Zoe: But!!

Me: You need to stop complaining about a shirt you wore TWO DAYS AGO!

Zoe: You need to calm down!!

She's been 5 for less than 48 hours, and already I'm wondering which one of us is the only one who will survive to see her 6th birthday...

Hallowieners

A vampire, a tap dancer (or magician, she couldn't make up her mind what she was), a bride (or a Jodi if you ask HER), and the cutest dinosaur I've ever seen!!

Happy Halloween dudes!!

Little Big Top Preschool For Future Felons...

Here at the Little Big Top Preschool for Future Felons, we want to prepare your little juvenile delinquent for their upcoming life of crime.

In order to do so, we make sure they learn to take fabulous mug shots, where they seem to appear sorry for the crime they have just committed. So that the jury cannot be influenced to believe they are not remorseful by an overzealous prosecutor.

We also teach the fine art of making sure that any potential witness isn't sure if they saw the crime being committed or not, thus leaving the prosecutor without damaging eye witness testimony.

And also how to carry out those pesky community service sentences. Learning to pick up trash on the side of the road is not a skill you are naturally born with...

And we teach them the ABCs and 123s, days of the week, and how to tell time so they can countdown the days until their next parole hearing. 

Day 4: Perfection...

What would a "perfect" Saturday look like for me?

Well, pretty much like today. Without the headache I currently have. Or the heart burn.

So, like this...

(That little girl in front of Zeph? She scored the first goal for our team, when she was the ONLY girl on the field, and then took a ball to the face but got back in the game 5 minutes later. Five year olds amaze me.)

First game of the season. The Red Dragons vs The Green Dragons. Since we don't keep score, I can't tell you that we lost. 4 to 3.

Germany, the place where you carry an umbrella because it looks like rain, and end up using it to keep the sun out of your eyes.

We spent the rest of the afternoon at the park, and then came home for lunch and a nap.

Sheer perfection.


**Again, this is the only way I can write about my feelings about September 11, 2001.**

Next Week, Next Year, Same Thing

The Zoe keeps telling me that she wants to go to the beach next weekend.

She's never been to a beach.

Before breakfast this morning, she was talking at me (not to me, she knew I wasn't really listening) about something, and all I caught was "after we get Grandma from the airport". Since Grandma hasn't made any kinds of plans to visit soon, I asked her what she was talking about.

She said: After we get Grandma from the airport, we have to go to the beach next weekend when she goes on an airplane from the airport to Germany next year.

I'm thinking this is either her way of asking Grandma to come visit next year, or to guilt me into finding a beach to take her to next weekend. In either case, her timeline for this imaginary vacation is AWESOME.

You Capture ~ Moments

Little kids can sleep anywhere. And that makes me a little bit jealous, considering somedays, I can't even sleep in my own bed, let alone on the floor in the hallway...

Or while draped over a giant piece of foam...

More You Capture can be found over at Beth's.

SOOC ~ Run! Be Free!

Why walk when you can RUN?!!

For more unedited photos, visit Melody at Slurping Life.

Should Have Named Her Foxglove...

When I describe my children to people who have never met them before, I explain that Zeph is the stubborn, determined one. She knows what she wants, and doesn't like to be told no, or change her mind. If you don't know her, she would appear to be a bully. You just don't mess with her. (But she's also really sweet too. You just have to pass her audition process before you see that part of her.)

The Zoe on the other hand, well, she is an entirely different story. She truly is the MEAN one. The problem is, she's so tiny and adorable that you don't realize she's about to commit some crime of evil until after she's done it, and you've blamed her sister. I mean really, something this cute couldn't possibly be that horrible, right?

You then, however, find out that she has done things like whack her sister with a TV remote so hard that the batteries fly out and realize that packaging can be incredibly deceiving...

Random Stuff

This is going to be a bullet point post, because I have approximately nothing that would constitute an entire "real" post for you. But I'm feeling guilty for going so long between posts.

• I am selfish. Even though I live no where near my hometown, I think some people should move back there, so I can see them when I am home for visits. (Ahem. Carey.)
• I learned today that Zeph knows how to turn movies on using the Playstation. It wouldn't be a big deal if they didn't decide to watch a movie always when I'm doing something else, and have to drop that to go turn on the movie, then I get distracted, and end up not finishing whatever it was that I was doing to begin with.
• I have had a cough for almost 2 weeks. I'd go to the doctor, but you have to call before 6:45 in the morning to get a same day appointment, and I really shouldn't talk to people that early. Coffee isn't ready till 7. (I know this because I called Tuesday, at 7:05 am for an appointment, and they said they didn't have anything for that day, they could see me next week, or I could try again on Wednesday.)
• I have seen my daycare license with my own eyes. I don't have it yet, but I have inspections Monday and Tuesday, and that's the end of the initial process.
• I learned the other night that my neighbors are very loud when they have "friendly" time. I also realized that this is the first time I had ever heard them, meaning either 1) they haven't had friendly time since November, or B) my house has never been that quiet. 
• I may or may not have have scheduled a daycare interview and explained my program over the phone while wearing only a towel. I am not sure if that speaks more to the awesomeness of working from home, or my extreme not-so-professionalism. 
• Thanks to TNT Deutschland, my children know the opening theme song to Murder She Wrote. Which, they think is called "Morde Ist Ihr Hobby". 

Thank Heaven For Beautiful Weather...

Explanations.

Yesterday was the day for photos that needed further explaining.

First, I sent a picture of my arse to Erica for our project. It's not REALLY of my arse, just part of one cheek, and the tattoo I have on my pre-butt. (You know, that part between where your back technically ends and your butt technically starts?)

My daughters have seen it numerous times. Zoe has even tried to scratch it off a few times. Even after I assure her it's not going anywhere. Yesterday, while I was changing to go swimming, she saw it again, and in less than 15 minutes she reminded me 6 times that I have a tattoo.

She would walk into the room, see it, and say "Mommy! You have a tattoo!"

As if I don't remember it's there. Like it magically appeared one night in my sleep. So, yes child. I have a tattoo.

Then there's the one I posted here.

That nasty shiny white thing on my fingers is a burn blister. You see, whilst I attempted to make Zeph a new hair bow, I had the hot glue out. (You see where this is going, right?) I had glued 3 out of 4 ribbons successfully, when I missed the last ribbon all together and squeezed the glue out onto my finger.

I have no idea how this happened. I wasn't holding the ribbon. I don't recall my finger being in the way.

I've mentioned I'm blonde right?

Wordless Wednesday ~ I Found The Grapes!!

Wordless Wednesday ~ Laundry Help

For more WW go here and here!