Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Random Rambling

I mentioned this post a while back. It's been in the works for a while, waiting on a bout of word vomit to get it out of my head. I KNOW it doesn't make sense, nor is it well written. But it's out now, and can stop nagging me in my dreams! ******************************************************** I am a Christian. I stood before my church congregation 17 years ago and dedicated my life to God. Six years later, I gave my personal testimony to the same congregation and filled them in on details that none of them knew about. That next summer, I rededicated my life to doing what God wants me to do, rather than what I wanted for my life. So far, it's worked out quite nicely. However. Unlike many of my peers, I do not use the “C” word in descriptions of myself. Not that it's wrong mind you, but it doesn't work for me. I am against labeling one's self in anyway, because once you label yourself, it leaves you open to biased and unfair criticism. If I tell you I am a Christian, and then I make a decision to do something you don't feel is Christ like, 90% of you would judge me harshly. The other 10% would probably come to a wrong conclusion as well. I would rather live my life and have people look at me and wonder why I do things the way I do, than come out and say “Hey I do this because I'm (insert label I've given myself).” Labels really do nothing but close doors and open windows of negativity. By “close doors” I mean, you can be shunned by people, or only accepted because of that trait. As a collective, moms tend to divide themselves into categories that really are the worst things ever. While it's nice to have friends in similar circumstances, those should not be the ONLY people we surround ourselves with. There is no challenge in my life if I only surround myself with military wives who stay at home with young children. Doing so maybe the most ignorant thing I could possibly do. While I do need those friends who are military wives who stay home with young children, I need the single friends, and the working mom friends, and the non-military friends, and the friends with older children also. Whomever said “it takes all kinds” definitely knew what they were talking about. I have one example. I have a friend, who is a former military wife, who is a Christian, and a self proclaimed birth junkie. She is extremely pro home birth, all natural, and is at times against medical procedures of all kinds. I am still a military wife, and I am not a birth junkie. I don't care whether you have your baby at home, or in a hospital, if you take the drugs or even schedule a C-section. In one of my first meetings with this friend, she said somethings that made me never want to speak to her again. And I almost didn't. I'm not 100% positive of the actual words she said, but what I took away from the conversation is that no woman should ever deliver a baby via a C-section, and that all women who have them are completely uninformed of what their bodies are fully capable of. This is not what she ACTUALLY said, but at the time, I had just recovered from my VBAC birth, and was still postpartum. I took everything personal and to the extreme. Was this offensive? Not really. I know that I personally made the decisions that worked for me, and were what needed to be done. Was I peeved that she was generalizing women who have cesareans? Of course, because sometimes there's more to the story. Did I explain to her my personal situation, and attempt to show her a side of birthing that she personally has never experienced? Duh. I can't keep my mouth shut, you all know that! Do I think she learned anything new from me? Probably not, but I know I learned a few things about her “hippy” ways that I would apply in subsequent births. I don't mean to pick on this one person. It's just that she is the only person I can think of that I've ever decided to continue talking to, even though my inner self is telling me not to. Usually, I just don't talk to those people again. It's why I try not to categorize people. It's like judging a book by it's cover. We don't mean to do it, but usually we do. Life is NOT pretty. It's hard. At times, the only word that can describe it is “sucks”. And other times it is just glorious. Each day is a new opportunity to learn and grow. But if you are only surrounding yourself with people who think, act, and live just like you, you aren't going to learn a damn thing. I know I need to keep learning. You might find this hard to believe, but I don't know everything. So I need the non-Christians, the older Christians, the baby Christians, the Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist friends. The ones who don't have children, ones with lots of kids. I need every spectrum of the world represented in my life. There is no way for this to make sense to all of you. It by no means makes any sense to ME. And I know it doesn't completely convey the thoughts I want to put out there, but it's a start. Take a look at your friends, and I hope you can name one who challenges you, one who understands you, and one who will call you on your crap. And I hope you find that they aren't all clones of yourself. (Unless you ARE cloning yourself to have friends...)

3 Thoughts on This:

SarahHub said...

I love this!

I think it's important to have a diverse group of friends. I have learned so much from people I don't necessarily agree with. And the older I get, the more I know I need other people to help me find the answers!

I totally get you!

Aunt Becky said...

Oh, you know I get this.

Brat said...

I thought it was well-written. Stop being so hard on yourself.

And I can dig where you're coming from, Sistuh!