Monday, April 16, 2012

Overcoming Myself.

I haven't blogged regularly in over two years. I know why. I hate the reason why.

Self doubt.

A little over two years ago, it was insinuated that people did not trust me with "secret" information. I learned it was a common belief that everything I am told ends up on my blog or on Facebook.

When I learned this, I did some research and some soul searching. I didn't want to be that person that no one trusted because of my blog. I didn't want my friends and loved ones to think that they could not trust me with things. I found no instance in which I had told a story that was not my own to tell. Not a single status update giving away any information I wasn't allowed to give out.

And yet I still worried. I worried that I had missed something. That I had posted something that I was asked not to. So I stopped blogging.

I'm still worried.

But I'm also worried about the effect that this has actually had on me emotionally. I'm a little more walled off. A little less willing to let myself be apart of other people's lives. While it would be impossible  for me to care less about whether or not people like me, I cannot bear the thought of a friend thinking I would do something to intentionally hurt them. I have fewer friends now. I spend a lot more time alone.

That's not the person I want to be.

So please, stick with me. I'm trying to convince myself that I am correct in the assumption that I have not done what I have been accused of. I'm working on coming back here often. To my happy place. To continue to chronicle my life.

Because if I don't write this down now, no one is going to believe my stories later.

2 Thoughts on This:

Anonymous said...

So sad that anyone would say such a thing!!!! Love u!!!! Jennie

Anonymous said...

Looking forward to having you back on here more. I loved reading and miss your funnies. You helped me through tons just by being yourself :)