Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I'll Have Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte to Go, Please

The running list of things that have gone totally bat crap insane since my husband took his flippy floppies and got on a boat:

  • Last week I was running late picking up the brat from school and walked out the door without a house key. 
  • Sunday, I grabbed my wallet to go downstairs for ice cream, but forgot to grab the key. I realized this 3 seconds before Zephy slammed the door closed. 
  • Yesterday, I did a cartwheel while we were walking home from school and lost my house key in the grass. We cannot find it. 
  • We've been late to school more times in the last 3 weeks than we have for the rest f the school year combined. 
  • I went to take photos for a tee ball team, and left my camera battery at home.
  • I do not think there is any day my child has had everything she's needed for school with her. If it keeps up, I might see the ladies in the front office enough to get invited to Bunco. (WTH is Bunco anyway? I feel like I'm supposed to know this, but I don't.)
  • The mommy guilt I feel for my poor children, who are sad and angry that daddy is gone, makes me give in every time they ask to sleep in my room. This means I haven't slept in a month. They are violent "I will punch you in the face" sleepers.
and the kicker...

  •  At 8:45 on Saturday night, Miss Zephy was having a dance party while jumping on my bed, and her face tried to make out with the corner of my bookcase. 
 We got home at about 1:30  from the ER where my beautiful daughter became the proud wearer of 8 stitches reaching from the corner of her eyebrow up about an inch and a half.


I also learned that she has no idea who Bugs Bunny is.

4 Thoughts on This:

Tiff said...

Dang, woman.

mandi said...

1. we are going to tape a key to your boob, ppl don't seem to lose things if they are placed there.

2.Bunco....shit I don't know what that is either!!!

3.Completely understand the everything goes to hell and it is not an option of the kids sleeping in their own bed.

4.we will have to remind Zephy she is her Mother's child, no taking risks what so ever!!!

The Lady's Lounge said...

Is it wrong that I spent over half this post laughing?

A day doesn't go by without me misplacing my keys, my wallet or both, at least once.

Heather said...


For realz.

You would like it.